My Mind Is Numb

My Mind is Numb

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When it gets so the temperature hovers around 1 degree or less, numbness becomes a theme in your life.

Kathy and I are pretty stir crazy.

Most weekends start with my coffee and her tea and then the question: What are we going to do today?

Usually she’s on her phone looking up trails or crazy bike rides but when it’s this cold out and we only have a couple of hours, we decide to walk around the West Canyon Ferry Ponds.

There are four ponds and the reason they were built will remain a mystery.

I think I know.

Someone told me why.

But if I get it wrong someone who knows the area better than me will take me to task and I’m already numb to that. LOL

On our walks we don’t always talk a lot there’s too much to take in.

The smaller ponds are starting for freeze over.

We see ice skaters out checking the ice depth, the guy see’s us and waves.

You have to be hearty to put up with the cold, the massive amounts of snow and the wind chill.

Back to the numbness I was talking about.

I fight the urge to numb myself to what’s going on in the world around me.

So many things I can’t even name them all.

We live in turbulent times.

There’s a lot of feel insecure about.

Conversations are harder to have, it seems.

Walls more difficult to break down.

Differences bolder.

Fall is the time of year things start to die.

Winter is the assurance that those things are dead and gone.

Spring is when new life emerges, thanks to Fall and Winters success and its harshness and Summer a time to enjoy it all.

There is something quite warped in me.

I’m not afraid of Winter, or Fall, or things dying inside me.

We are each complex creations and I am no different.

We are all F-cked up, and trying to avoid figuring out why.

But we all have things that need to die.

Change scares me but I still welcome it with half-open arms.

There will be a day when the seasons all run together.

A place where disagreements, differences and doubts, disappear.

But you don’t get there until you get there.

And I certainly don’t want to get there before my time.

Each day is an opportunity to practice the change.

Numb is okay but never get comfortable there.

Use numbness to protect when it hurts too bad but leave enough of the wound exposed to still feel the hurt.

The hurt is what brings us back to reality.