Upside Down: Perhaps I Just Need to Live This Way.

Have you ever read a book that turns your life upside down? Me too. I’ve read many over the years that as my eyes blur with tears something inside opens up as if it see’s for the first time.

I just finished a book that feels like a gift from God Himself. It’s by Rob Bell called “Drops Like Stars.” I can’t define it. I can’t rewrite it. But in the future you will see the words erupt from my life because I find myself living it.

Last night was a desperate night. It was a terrible night. It was a dark, dreary night. Why you ask? I don’t know. Comments made over the last few months, memories left behind by people who are dead, friends and family who don’t understand me all seemed to converge in my mind and the enemy of my soul had a hay-day.

After feeding the dogs and going through the ritual that is part of my waking up routine I forgave those people in an effort to destroy, again, the bitterness and instead get better.

Bitterness and lack of forgiveness are like ammunition to the one who tries to destroy me. Cancer feeds off this stuff and so does the enemy of my soul. Native Americans have a tradition of leaving a blemish in one corner of the rug they are weaving because that’s where they believe the spirit enters. (Rob Bells Book) Perhaps it’s time we stop trying to create perfect lives and instead leave a blemish or two as a doorway for God to enter.

Sometimes, if I’m honest, I see dew on the ground or the sun coming up and I want to hold them for fear I may not see as many of these moments as I used to think I’d witness. It’s okay to live that way, I think. Grasping at life, when done with purpose, can look like desperation to man and like a son trying to please his father to God.

My life is now upside down. Instead of trying to turn it right side up I guess I just need to learn to see the world from this new perspective.

2 Comments

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  Jaynee March 20, 2010 at 10:40 am

  We love ya', Rick and are praying for you daily and more. I hope today is a better day for you!
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  Jaynee March 20, 2010 at 12:40 pm

  We love ya', Rick and are praying for you daily and more. I hope today is a better day for you!