God you are so funny. Keep surprising me, please.

We spend too much time as humans looking for the thing we are supposed to do.

When the thing we are supposed to do is live our lives.

I wonder how much time I wasted asking God to show me what’s next.

Not that asking is a bad thing but focusing, waiting and toiling over the future does absolutely no good.

We look for our lives in the good and try to hide from the bad.

What if bad is good?

What if cancer is not the worst thing that ever happened to me but turns out to be the best thing?

What do I, as a child of God, do with that?

After years of pushing the so-called-bad things away I must now wrestle with the idea that this could bring out the very thing I’ve been waiting for.

As I sit here writing these words to you I find a smile wedging it’s way on my face.

Just when I thought I had it all figured out, God shows me this.

God you are so funny. Keep surprising me…pl

“No Cancer Dancers” Strike Disneys Animal Kingdom (video)

Cancer tries to take the edge out of life. It tries to take away our fun and make us feel like we can’t participate in life anymore. We’ll, that’s a lie. I think even folks without cancer buy in to that line of crap. A month or so ago I started doing the “No Cancer Dancer”. I take my camera to different places and ask people to do the “No Cancer Dance.”

Someone from my FaceBook got the bug on her visit to Disney. Look what she brought back.

Life on the Other Side of the Window

There I am, flat on my back, in nothing but a shirt, underwear and a little sheet over my vitals. I’m being moved into a tube, a CT scan machine. There’s two camera’s focused on me, and the last thing I see is one of the camera operators hitting the record button and shutting the door behind him as he quickly exits the room.

I’m alone in this room and on the other side of the window, sealed and protected from the room I’m in, is my wife, the production crew (my friends) doctors, technicians and some hospital staff. They are all watching monitors and screens on the other side of the window and I’m alone in here in a tube.

In my head are thoughts of “how did I get here?” “Why can’t I leave and go to the other side of the window?” “I wish I didn’t have to do this.”

Life with cancer is like that. You feel like you are living on the other side of the window. You feel like you are alone sometimes. You feel like the rest of the world is safe, on the other side of that glass, protected from the radiation, the threats, the danger that you are being exposed to, that you have to be exposed to.

Somewhere deep inside I hear a voice. It’s drowning out the fear, the whining, and the uncertainty. It’s a still small voice that tells me this is where I’ve always lived my life. The voice comforts me and says this is how it’s always been and how it should always be.

I am in my zone. I am living in my place. Yours is not mine and mine is not yours but we all live on the other side of a window. Each one of us has a room filled with hazards, mishaps and difficulty. It’s not the isolation that separates us but the thoughts of loneliness that can drive us crazy. Remember, life on the other side of the window is okay, in fact I think it has to be this way …..If we choose to lead by being a follower of the one who guides us all….my dance with Yahweh.

I got three Tattoo’s today. (video)

I may not seem like the kind of guy who would get a Tattoo. But then again, you don’t really know what kind of guy I am. As part of my cancer treatment I had to have three small (pin sized) tattoo’s placed on my body. No, I won’t show you where they are but you can guess. Anyway, the process continues. Monday the 26th, let the radiation begin. Oh, I didn’t get o meet Mr Calypso. That happens next week.

Endings and Beginnings.

Without an end you have no new beginnings. Lately that seems to be a theme in my life. Sometimes endings and beginnings overlap. There’s this point in the middle, when the two converge where life becomes almost unbearable. That point came a few weeks ago but the edges are starting to soften as one moment ends and this new world I find myself in, begins.

I have this love/hate relationship with endings and beginnings. Sometimes it’s refreshing when something is over and sometimes the same is true with new beginnings. But there is that edge you must climb over, on both, that causes difficulty and pain and that is why most of us really don’t welcome these two distinct parts of life.

We are much more likely to live in boredom and complacency than we are to face the end and begin a new. I’m so glad God is at the helm of my life. I’m glad He gets to decide what comes and what goes.

Tomorrow my life with my mother officially ends as we memorialize her and I officially begin my new life as a cancer survivor as treatment starts April 26^th. It is so odd to be me. I wonder if you ever get used to being a cancer patient, survivor, client or what ever we call ourselves.

However, I can honestly say, this is an ending and a beginning I’m feeling better about. It feels almost natural, like it’s exactly what I’m supposed to be doing with my life. I think I just defined a word I’ve been longing to understand “faith”.

Can Cancer Put the Human in the Being?

I’m not giving cancer more credit than it deserves but I’m seeing something rather amazing that happens when cancer is diagnosed. The word “Cancer” brings fear to most of us and it should, cancer kills.

Cancer scares the Hell out of me. But cancer also brings out the human in certain beings.

There’s this woman I always see at Full City Coffee Shop and she hates me. Okay, she dislikes me. I didn’t know for sure until today but always get that vibe from her. If the truth were known, I don’t, or didn’t like her all that much either.

Anyway, today she walked up to me and said “Rick, I must tell you I was never able to get over the fact that you are a Republican.” Then, she said; “ I saw the article in the paper (that told about my cancer and death of my mom) and wanted to say I’m sorry.

Okay, I don’t know what changed. Maybe cancer made her see me more clearly or perhaps cancer softened my shield and gave her the ability to see me more clearly. I have a feeling it’s a mixture of the two. But, in that instant I saw the kindness in her eyes that I had never seen before.

This woman and Rick Dancer will probably never agree on politics, social or other issues, but when it comes to the important stuff, life, we found common ground. In a simple glimpse into my life, the human was revealed in this being.

Now tell me is cancer a blessing or a curse ? I’m so confused.