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I woke up and there she was, this woman. She’s quite beautiful and so quiet as she sleeps next to me. I’ve slept with this woman for most of my life. I wake with her each morning.
Next door, in the adjoining room is our two son’s and in the next room a cousin and Jess’ girlfriend Kirty.
We are headed to a family reunion that I’ve been attending since I was just three years old. My wife came with me to this reunion the first time when we were dating, she just 18 and I was 21.
So much has passed between the two of us over the years. We’ve had great times and our share of very difficult years. I still like the feel of her feet on mine as we wake up in bed. I still like the way she looks at me in those special moments when we reconnect.
I look at my son’s and pray to God that they have the same thing I have when they find themselves in similar shoes somewhere down the road when more life is behind them than is in front of them.
I look forward to a day with my wife. We will drive to Baker City, get the kids settled, and then we will climb on our bikes and do what connects us, ride. Tonight, guys you are on your own. Kathy and I will go out on the town in Baker City, the way my great grand parents probably did in their day, one hundred years ago.
27 years is a long time, yes but it seems like just yesterday. I still remember how that felt to wake up with her that first time. Yes, a lot has changed since those days but it’s still oh, so good to love and be loved by the woman I still dream of.
As I look out over the river the view is too much for my eyes, even rougher on my mind. A mountain seems to jet straight up from the rivers edge into the sky eight-thousand-feet.
The water is rushing around my legs as I stand waist high in freezing cold glacier water. The color is crystal blue but not clear enough to see through. All around me huge salmon roll up out of the water and dive back down as if luring me deeper into a trance of trying to catch them.
Just a few feet from me, casting as if synchronized by some silent orchestra are my brother-in-law and my youngest son Jess. This is his trip, Jess’ trip, his dream and it’s unfolding before his father’s eyes.
As I see this young bearded man, casting, smiling, fishing, I realize this is his place. This is the world where he feels the most at peace. It’s not my world, although I love it. It is as if God dropped me into a canvas to see who Jess really is and who he will be.
As I watch this life that his mother and I helped bring into this world I find something in my throat that chokes me, some call this “getting a lump in their throat.” My heart fills with pride as I see this young man living his dream.
Then, the vision turns to me. There next to me is my Heavenly Father, with the same lump in his throat and the same pride beaming in his spirit but He is looking at me, His son, His creation.
I say to Him; “thank you for giving me two sons and allowing me to see them for who they are.” He says to me; “Do you know why I brought you here?” I say;” sort of.” He looks at me and says: “Not only do I want you to see Jess for who he is and Jake (who is at home) for who I made him to be, I want you, Rick, to see that I see you the same way.”
When we are in our element, doing the thing that makes us dance, or sing or fill with great joy, God, the creator of the universe looks at us the same way I see Jess right now.
Now that is overwhelming to me. As I write these words I find tears in my eyes. I am living my dream. I always wanted to be “this guy.” It doesn’t matter what I do for a living or what position I hold or how much money I have, it’s all about this, right now, right here.
When we truly allow God to take us through or into our wilderness we find Him on the other side. We discover a father who not only created us but also loves to see us simply being who He created us to be, not who we think we should be or are told by others that we need to be.
So, here I am, in the middle of my stream, which is this computer screen, casting and throwing, not a fishing line but words that make up lines. What I catch is not my business or even my goal. It’s simply casting that makes my heart sing.
And over my shoulder, just to the left of me, right now, is my Father, smiling as His son is living the dream.{ 1 comment }
I have been to many remote locations in my life. As a reporter I traveled to Rome, no, not the one in Italy but Rome, Oregon. My job took me to Jordan Valley, to Arock to remote villages in Guatemala and some towns in Romania where a U.S. citizen had never been seen.
But my trip to Alaska was deeper and more rugged than any of these. When the Bible speaks of being in the wilderness most of us take that as a bad thing. I used to see it that way but have found great peace living where few have been or are just unwilling to go.
In the wilderness it’s just you, God, His creation and the dangers of being alone. Oregon is a beautiful state but in Alaska, just knowing that few have been where your feet are walking, astounds you. In the wilderness you live alone. In the wilderness your face is pressed up against the creators. The rapid breathing and quick beating heart calm as you realize this is how life used to be. In many ways I think it’s the way life can still be if we are willing to go there.
I will be sharing many stories about this trip and you will see it come out in my writings because I’ve seen something I recognized in my own life and it can’t help but impact my journey.
But there are some stories I will not be sharing. What Jess and I experienced in the wilderness of Alaska doesn’t need words attached for it to make sense to us. Standing in a stream, beneath dozens of 10,000 foot high, snow covered, mountain peaks, with Fishing pole in your hand needs no words and can’t be explained.
There are things I’ve always dreamt of being in my life. There are relationships I’ve always wanted to have and I found both in “my” wilderness journey to Alaska.{ 1 comment }
Getting To know ME.
December 27th, 2007
It’s funny how vacation brings back the Rick Dancer I used to know. Right now I’m sitting here, with a beard, my hair is too long for TV. I’m dressed in basic stuff, no suit, no tie, and I’m ready to go skiing. There’s something about being Rick Dancer that gets real tiring. Not the real Rick Dancer, but the TV Guy. The TV guy looks over his shoulder when he hears his name walking down the hallways at the mall, that Rick Dancer has to smile a lot, even when he doesn’t feel like smiling. When that Rick Dancer gets sad, he is supposed to hide it. Nothing goes wrong in his life cause he’s the guy on TV.
The Rick Dancer I’m living in right now can and will get sad. He also gets in the car with his family and sings Steve Miller Band songs really loud like he used to. He still smiles at people, when he wants. His hair can look like crap and he doesn’t have to shave. He has more time to listen to his wife and his kids. He has more time to sit and think about the things that matter. When he walks into a coffee shop, his schedule doesn’t keep him from spending the next two hours talking with a kid in crisis. This Rick Dancer is the guy who worked at Copeland Lumber so many years ago. He’s the guy who’s name meant nothing, who had no image to try and live up too (I’m giving that one up). He cares about people, loves God, reads books, really looks at people when they talk…..Man I like this guy. I wonder how I can spend more time with him and less time with the other guy?
Getting to know me.
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It’s fun to go back and read what your wrote a few years ago.
Gosh, how life has change and stayed the same. No More Easy Answers January 6th, 2008
Remember the days when the answers were easy? You know, what kind of car should I buy? Should I work at the lumber yard or a drive in restaurant? What should my career be when I grow up?
Fast forward 20-years……It’s no longer should we breast feed the kids? …..it’s who will they marry? You trade: do we buy them a trampoline for is that car or truck safe enough for them to drive. You aren’t as concerned with them catching a cold as you are getting involved with the wrong people.
And then all of sudden, things you took for granted, are about to disappear. Death becomes a reality, not the end of some novel you just read. Disease, or it’s possibility becomes much more likely and not something you read about on the evening news. The things you do to occupy your time, need to have more meaning. You don’t have another 30years to blow doing something that doesn’t matter. You are no longer striving to get someplace….You’ve been there, that dream is subsiding and you’re looking hard to find the next one.
It’s an interesting, scary, exciting, and challenging place to be…..it’s where I live right now. Me, Kathy and our boys. It’s okay. Hard times often lead to new paths. Still, there are days you’d like to put the LP on the record player again, put the needle on the 45, and let it hit the skip in the vinyl and just play over and over the way it used to. But we don’t have record players anymore. Tossed them out a long time ago. Even the cassette tape I grew up on is something of a relic. We’re into CD’s now. They don’t skip like they used to. Yep, there are “No More Easy Answers”.
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