No Need To Prove I’m Right

I used to have this thirst to be right. I had this drive to make sure no one screwed me and would go to great lengths to state my case and make my point.

The trouble is no one really heard what I was trying to say. I see this same trait show up in other’s I know and I’m finally starting to understand why I don’t do it anymore and why it doesn’t work.

Oswald Chambers say “Our insistence in proving that we are right is nearly always an indication that there has been some point of disobedience.”

To be honest that one hasn’t quite sunk in all the way but I get the idea.

Perhaps from God’s standpoint it doesn’t really matter that I am defrauded but that I not defraud.

I understand some of you will come out punching on that one. We have this idea that God is out there fighting for us so people will be nice to us. I used to think that because that’s what I did for people. Now I understand that losing is often times winning. That being treated poorly brings more wisdom than having everything go my way.

I found myself awake last night praying for my boys. But I don’t do the fairytale prayers anymore. I am directly indirect with my prayers. I’m specifically unspecific because I don’t really know what they need.

I prayed as a boy that I’d never get cancer. My dad told me cancer was the worst thing that can happen to you. But I got cancer and it turns out it was one of the best gifts ever. God used cancer to give me freedom, wisdom and compassion in a way no one could have prayed it into existence.

So, stop trying to prove you are right because you don’t know anything anyway. Give it up and move on. Get that chip off your shoulder and you may discover being wrong and misunderstood is right and quite understandable.

52 Years Old, Really?

Just the other day, it seems, the face looking back at me in the mirror had smooth skin and now it’s more like a topographical map.

A couple of years ago, okay, more than a couple of years ago, I had more pepper than salt in my hair color. Now the only pepper I see is when I first step out of the shower before my hair dries silver.

I see more of my dad in my face than I do of myself and sometimes I wish I could go back but I can’t, won’t and plan to just keep growing older.

I would not trade the wisdom I have at 52 for anything in the world. I’m not smarter than I was ten years ago but wisdom is different than intelligence. Wisdom is the price one pays for more aches and pains after running or taking longer to get up off the floor after playing with the dog.

Wisdom is not great intelligence but the ability to see your lack-there-of and be okay with it. Wisdom is when your opinion is simply your opinion and you’d rather hear what other’s say than listen to the noise that comes from your own head.

Wisdom is a cousin of freedom. They go hand in hand. Wisdom is very, very expensive and most of us would never pay the price to get it if we understood the cost up front. I think that is why God grants us wisdom following a walk over coals or a trip to the furnace.

I’m one of the fortunate ones. I’m 52 years old and have won and failed equally. Turmoil still tempts me but fails to manipulate my soul the way it did when I was in my 30’s and 40’s.

Through loss, failure and cancer my wisdom has greatly expanded. My concern over what you say has dimmed replaced by a desire for you just to use your voice to say something compassionate.

I don’t mind losing arguments in fact I don’t like getting into arguments anymore where that used to be on my list of favorite sports to play.

I still get fired up over issues but the red-hot coals cool more quickly and I tire of those who can’t let something go.

So, as I step up to the mirror again this morning I see Roy Dancer looking back at me and wonder how I got here? I remember the guy I met at the swimming pool yesterday who told me he is 88 years old. He said you’ve got to fight to keep it going when you hit your 80’s.

So I will have a great day, head to the gym and the pool to do what I can to keep my mind and body from looking like the aftermath of a St. Helen’s eruption.

I will do some work, go to dinner with my wife, eat some cake and thank God that after what we’ve been through the last five years that I have 52 under my belt and look forward to many more.

Thanks to all of you for your birthday wishes, I honestly read through all of them.

What happened To Victim’s Rights?

Yesterday my wife, her sister and I sat in a courtroom in Oregon City and watched a woman convicted of Criminal Mistreatment of my brother-in-law, walk away with a clean slate.
I’m all about forgiveness but have little tolerance for the rights of criminals when they seem to trump the rights of the victim. When Chip lived in a group home in Oregon City this woman left George (Chip) Diehm in a bathtub for 10.5 hours because she couldn’t get the machine to work that gets him out of the tub. A year after that is when we brought Chip to Eugene to live in the greatest place ever, Oregon Supported Living Program.
The rest of the story is below for those interested enough to read on.

We have a problem in our culture when those who are the criminals have more rights than those we call the victims.
My wife did all the homework on the case but asked me to speak to the court while she and her sister sat with the perpetrator just a few feet away. I have a better understanding of family after yesterday. We are not finished. We hold no grudge but plan to take our fight to the legislature and change the laws around expunging the files of criminals. The following is our testimony. The judge was very sorry he had to wipe her record clean but said “his hands are tied by the law.”
If you have the time to read on, please do. It matters.

My name is Rick Dancer. I’m here speaking on behalf of the family, Kathy Dancer and Susan Racket. They are the victim George Diehms sisters and are in the courtroom today. I’m also speaking on behalf of my brother-in-law George Diehm who has no voice but has rights and needs someone to speak up for him.
Imagine our shock, surprise and frustration to learn that defendant in this case, Marsha Yarborough will possibly get her record expunged by this court after what she did to George Diehm three years ago.
Marsha Yarborough left George Diehm in a bathtub for 10.5 hours while she did her online banking. She failed to follow protocol set up by her employers or to use common sense and call 911 to protect my brother-in-law. In other words, Marsha Yarborough failed to do her job and in her failure put George Diehm at risk. It is criminal mistreatment and while this court may be comfortable erasing it from Yarboroughs record what happened isn’t as easily erased from the mind of George Diehm or his family. Mistreatment is mistreatment no matter what the law says.
Oregon is one of only two states in the United States to close all of its institutions for the developmentally disabled. The last one in Oregon closed last fall.
Alaska is the second, but Alaska sends its clients to institutions in other states.
Oregon doesn’t do that. We say we understand the value of people with disabilities and acknowledge they are humans and need to be in our communities.
We as a state say we understand our most vulnerable citizens deserve civil treatment, not mistreatment.
But do we as a state really believe this? Is this the best we can do?
According to the law…”upon the entry of the order, the applicant for purposes of the law shall be deemed not to have been previously convicted, or arrested as the case may be, and the court shall issue an order sealing the record of conviction and other official records in the case, including the records of arrest whether or not the arrest resulted in a further criminal proceeding.”
Excuse me? What the Hell does that mean? It is on her record, she did do it so let’s take away the right of every potential employer to know that? Let’s take away the ability of every adult foster care facility, every nursing home, every program for the disabled to have the best information possible at their fingertips when hiring employee’s to work with these valuable citizens?
Unbelievable.
My wife serves on the board of the Oregon Supported Living Program in Eugene, an agency with 17 homes and hundreds of clients.
I also work for them doing public awareness and with a sister agency called Full Access Brokerage. We asked the CEO’s of these agencies if they knew that someone with a history of Criminal Mistreatment in the Second Degree could and probably would have their records expunged after three years and they too were surprised.
In a recent article in the Eugene Register Guard, written by Erinn Kelley-Seil, director of the Oregon Department of Human Services she talks about holes in the system when it comes to abuse and neglect of the elderly and disabled in Oregon.
“Last year, DHS adult protective services investigated nearly 13,000 reports of abuse and neglect of elderly or physically disabled people. “
According the article “unfortunately it is clear that there are gaps in our current system.”
Do you think?
The article talks of a new process where….
“Background checks are given to potential employers. This new requirement is an important step to ensure safety because only a fraction of substantiated findings of abuse are criminally prosecuted.”
Huh,
I wonder why people just ignore criminal cases like the one that happened to George Diehm. Why prosecute only to find out three years later that the record of the criminal is expunged?
So while the state looks to tighten it’s rules, laws and courts like this one continue to seal problems behind closed doors opening employment and the possible abuse of yet another voiceless person.
I understand Marsha Yarborough has managed not to repeat her mistake for the past three years, and according to the law that makes her eligible for this proceeding.
Of course she hasn’t repeated her mistake because the court has insured that by preventing her from working in this industry for three years.
Now, the same law plans to open the door to the possibilities.
Statistics show 80% of women and 60% of men who are developmentally disabled will suffer abuse in their lifetime.
Now, thanks to Oregon Law, the woman who put George Diehm on that list will soon have the opportunity to do it again.
Oregon needs to give those who operate group homes, nursing homes and other care facilities full access to the records of those who seek employment in their agency. This is not a time for secrecy and forgetting the past. I’m sorry that Marsha Yarborough failed to do her job. I’m sorry she didn’t follow protocol and that it’s hurt her ability to seek employment. But I’m even more sorry for what it did to my brother-in-law, the real victim in this whole case that seems to have been forgotten in all this fairness to the one who committed the crime.
In summary, we as a family feel strongly about the rights of people with developmental disabilities. They are human, they are people and when you get to know them they bring richness to a community that can’t be matched.
Oregon is ahead of the mark when it comes to that realization but if we allow records of those who mistreat these folks to be expunged, as if it never happened, is our humanity just lip service with little in the way of foundation to back it up.
As the head of human services states, this is a time we need to close loop holes….and I would add not wash our hands and simply say the law is the law.
We need to give employers every bit of information available so they can hire competent, professional people, not folks hiding from a criminal mistreatment record.
We the family asks that you not grant this order. Please do not seal Marsha Yarboroughs records and put someone else in our community at risk.
I’m sure there are many things miss Yarborough can do for work but caring for our most vulnerable citizens should not be one of them..

Don’t Have A Clue

I am convinced we don’t have a clue what God is up to. For those who say they do, perhaps they are gifted with more insight and clarity than I.
For year’s I thought I had an inkling as to what this meant or what that was a sign of, not anymore. I don’t look for signs or wonders instead I simply look up and around.
If we each choose to live our lives as authentically as we can, allowing Jesus to do His will, the church ends up not being a place we go but a place we can be.
The other day I wrote a blog about something in my life and a woman I do not know had this response:

“Today, I was struggling with my own emotions with God, life, reasons, judgment. And here I stumble upon your blog that has so much innocence and truth. I think you underestimate your abilities to help others. Sometimes, the innocent truth helps someone you may not even know…prayer works wonders for those you know or pray for, writing your own convictions helps those you didn’t know to pray for…”
Sometimes the topics I write on scare people and sometimes they offend. But sometimes they touch people as the words of those I read touch and inspire me.
Walking with God is tough business and not for the faint-hearted but in some ways I also think it’s much more natural than any of us understand. I remember how many of my “Church Friends” used to rattle off all the things they had to do at church. I listened as they talked of special programs, projects or committee’s they served on and the idea alone just wore me out.
I wonder that church isn’t more about whom (God) we live under than what we “go to?”
If we live our lives conscious of God’s rule but unconscious as to what He’s actually doing I wonder if the church wouldn’t be more successful.
Perhaps mans goal for the church is to conform and God’s goal is for us to serve as He made us in unrestricted love for others.
But then again, I don’t have a clue.

So today, keep your eyes open and your mouth shut. Watch people around you and smile more. Do that thing that challenges you and makes you uncomfortable. If it has to do with loving people, what harm can making a mistake really do. Come on, don’t be a chicken.

Shut up and Write

I’m concerned for you. I think you’re living your life too cautiously. There is this huge blank computer screen just waiting for your story and you are afraid to hit a keystroke.

You want your story to look perfect. You want your story to turn out right but in your fear of doing something wrong you are failing to write anything down.

A good editor is part of any good story. Even Woody Allen has an editor or two to insure the story he writes won’t get stuck in your head but instead will land in your heart.

What are you so afraid of? What do you think people will say if they know the real you? We are far too careful for fear someone will discover what he or she probably already knows.

I see this picture of you in front of a computer screen waiting for the right story but the right story never shows up. I see God looking over your shoulder whispering in your ear to write down the things that matter and delete those moments that haunt you.

Writing our story is a way of being with God. You want time with your creator this is the best way to get it. Don’t plan out what you want to write and don’t make your story look better than the truth.

You and I have one story and one story alone. It would be a shame to let it go untold don’t you think?

So, shut up and start living. Force your fingers to write something down. Mistakes are part of the process just get something down on the screen. Oh, and lookout you will never be the same, never. When you know you are writing the story of your life it forces you to include adventure because you think about it. You want a cool story that inspires the people around you so you find yourself taking risks that yesterday would have been out of the question.

Sort of makes you want to step out a little doesn’t it? Come on, what are you waiting for? Write.

GoPro Cycling.