“Normal” Over-rated, Over-Diagnosed, Over-and-Out

I remember a time when I thought I was normal. I’m serious, I remember just days ago thinking I was like you or that guy sitting over there or maybe even like that person down the hall, but I’m not.

As I stepped out of my Acura TSX this morning, I said to God “Okay, I’m not in the mood for this and I’ve got nothing to give.”

I was the speaker at the annual Self Managers Assembly at Mount Vernon Elementary in Springfield. I’ve been involved with the school for 20 years and the main speaker at this event for 14. I love doing it but today I was just not feeling it at all.

As I got inside something started to change. Mount Vernon is a school with amazing diversity. Not just in terms of race but in abilities as well.

Over the years I’ve met many great students who are still close to me today.

As I met up with the principal the first thing out of his mouth was something about their new playground that is wheelchair accessible.

At that moment God softened my hardened heart and whispered in my ear. He said: “talk to the kids about what you know Rick, talk to the kids about being different.”

I met several students today who, like me, are cancer survivors.The young woman on my right in this picture is a survivor. Cancer makes us very different. I got to see my friend Gabe, he’s the young man so many of you commented on when he was on my profile picture with me. Remember this picture?

But the greatest moment of the day was when this young man, JJ, walked up to the stage to get his reward. JJ pulled his chair up to the bottom step, climbed out, and pulled himself up seven or eight steps, crawling on his arms with his legs following behind him across the stage. He stopped so I could give him is award and then faced the audience. The folks were clapping so loudly I wondered if the ceiling would cave-in.

Okay now, I wasn’t the only one who had tears running down their face. The school has an elevator JJ could have used but he chose to do it his way.

I was so proud of him. I thanked him afterwards for showing people how amazing he really is. I told him what he did today was so powerful because it allowed all of us to see JJ as a person, not someone in a wheelchair.

I love Mount Vernon Elementary and what it stands for. It truly believes in people, all people with all abilities, colors and cultures. Perhaps that’s why I keep going back year after year to see my friends.

As I climbed back in my car, at the end of the assembly, I had to stop for a minute and take a deep breath. The issues that had prevented me from feeling alive before were gone.

I Love that about you God. I truly do.

Normal, never again.

YIPPY, YAHOO My PSA is Down Again.

Okay, I’ve got tears in my eye, a smile on my face and a glass of wine in my hand. I just got the best Christmas Gift ever.

First I have to say I love my Doctor, Dr. Hung and Oregon Health Sciences University. I stopped by at 11 this morning, gave them some blood for a PSA test and my results are in already.

My Doctor just called me at 7:28pm to tell me my PSA is down from 10 in June, 2.75 three months ago, to 1.59. What that means is the cancer is probably dying.

No one will ever understand what that means until you’ve been here/there. I am so excited I could scream. For one, I don’t have to wait for three or four days for the results. Plus, I think it is so cool that OHSU gets those tests done that quickly. I also think it’s wonderful that my doctor, Dr. Hung knows I’m worried and a simple call means the world to me.

But the best part of the night is my wife hugging me.

Personalize don’t Commercialize Christmas

Why did Jesus come to earth? Was it to establish a Holiday Season to revive business? Was it to encourage us to treat each other nicely for six weeks out of the year? Or was it so that we’d spend time with our families over a dinner and fine gifts?

None of these are bad reasons but they are not the reason Jesus Christ came to this earth. This time of year we get so wrapped up in what to get each other we forget to slow down and look around.

This is my first Christmas after cancer. I’m also 51 years old and a recovering Holiday-holic. I love Christmas time. For me, growing up, Christmas was the one time of year nothing got in the way of warm fuzzy feelings. Oh, it’s not that bad stuff didn’t happen I just chose to ignore/deny it for six weeks.

Post cancer destroys one’s ability to deny. Cancer mixed with age and a new view of Jesus, the season and His purpose, won’t allow me to play the game as I used to.

I wish there were ways to do both. I would love to climb back on the fence and pretend but I’ve seen too much.

Jesus didn’t come for Hallmark Cards, Christmas Tree Sales or booming business at the malls. He came to save us from some of the very things we’ve turned this celebration into.

I’m not trying to be a humbug about Christmas. I don’t see this as a big downer. It’s a chance to really experience Jesus not try to fit Him into some Holiday we created.

I will still do many of the traditional Christmas things this year but I have to think about why I do them and the feeling is less fuzzy. I still get that feeling but I don’t manufacture it with Holiday Music or things like that. It happens when I buy coffee for someone, take time to think more about God and question some of the things I used to take as fact.

In Luke it’s written:  “Woe to you, when all men shall speak well of you! For so did their fathers to the false prophets.”

Then in the next verse Jesus turns around and tells me to do good to my enemies.

That sounds a lot more like Christmas to me…..time to find someone who hates me and do something good for him or her. That shouldn’t be too hard after this blog. (Big Smile)

Missing Her/But Finding My Family

It’s a strange year. Holiday’s are supposed to be perfect and yet the glitz and glimmer is dimming as fantasy is traded for reality. But before you click delete thinking this is one of my depressing blogs, it’s not. Hope will come at the end as it does in any good story.

Kathy and I were driving to Portland to spend Thanksgiving with two of my three sisters and their families. I have a bad cold and feel like crap but sometimes illness is just the thing needed to make us really “go to that place in our minds” we’d rather avoid.

I kept thinking about my mom and as I thought the more water flowed from the corner of my eyes. Even now as I write these words misty eyes get in the way of my thoughts. It’s good to miss her though. Missing mom shows how much she meant to me.

A funny thing is happening in my family, or perhaps it’s just me. I see my sisters more clearly now. I wonder that mom and dad, unknowingly, became an obstacle to us seeing each other as adults. I think that happens in families. Or, perhaps it’s something in me that failed to look beyond established roles.

On Thanksgiving Day I felt my sisters looking at me more closely or perhaps I was more open to being their big brother again. I don’t know what happened, I don’t know why it happened, but it’s good. My eldest sister wasn’t with us but Judi, Dana, their kids, husbands all together having a great time getting to know each other again.

I still miss my mom. I remember her smile as she cooked fudge, stirred divinity, and put candy canes in our tea.

Everything and everyone has a time and a season. Our time and our season all will come to an end. But in the sadness we must not forget to look at the end as a new beginning. It takes time. Don’t rush it and remember, resist the temptation to control it.

Yep, this is a strange year indeed.

Back to the Basics.

“Restate to yourself what you believe, then do away with as much of it as possible, and get back to the bedrock of the Cross of Christ.”

Oswald Chambers.

I’m stuck on this comment. This is the second post I’ve done on it and I’m excited about it. This may tread on thin ice for some of you but hold on, I hope you can swim.

Think back to what you used to believe about God. I remember belonging to congregations that had a list of things “We believed.” It was like a set of rules you had to agree with if you wanted to truly be a Christian. If I go back some of those rules are a bit sketchy for me today. I thought you had to do communion every week to be a Christian. I thought I’d go to Hell if I didn’t belong to a particular church. I thought the church I went to was the right one and the others had beliefs that were not as good as mine.

Think about it for a minute. There are all sorts of things we use to define being a Christian even today.

I’m tempted to list some of them but fear some of you, will dig your heels in and fight for the list and miss the point. If I leave this part blank you will probably fill in the holes with your own mind but in doing so remember, that’s your list not mine.

The point is, as we as “Followers of Christ” search for ways to build unity in the Church perhaps we need to take into consideration what Oswald is speaking from the grave.

It’s not about that list you just formed in your brain. It’s not what or how we go to church or how often we do communion.

Restate what you believe then do away with as much of it as possible because following Christ is about the Cross.

Oswald you are one bright guy.

Unity: The Cross

“Restate to yourself what you believe, then do away with as much of it as possible, and get back to the bedrock of the Cross of Christ.”

Oswald Chambers.

There are so many little things that we as “Followers of Christ” use to set a standard for what makes a Christian. As I read the statement above I thought to myself “The real standard is the Cross.”

I hear people repeat the doctrine that defines their particular church and wonder how important are those beliefs or does it all come down to who Jesus was, is and what He did for us on the cross.

It is easy to get wrapped up in details, theology and doctrine and lose touch with what Christ’s journey was truly about….The Cross.

Perhaps differences are okay. Maybe we don’t all have the same understanding. I wonder that church isn’t bigger than we allow it to be. Perhaps what brings unity is the cross….period.